Forgiveness - Not tentative.

Thoughts will now pour all over this page and I have 10 minutes until my break is over.. GO!

Ok, so yesterday I read this book and the day before I had been reading this other book and both of them were biographies on these two very different individuals with incredible stories which highlighted forgiveness... and I knew I wanted to write on this. Now lately I feel like I have been giving book reports and I half apologize but they are so inspiring!! I feel selfish keeping this all to myself.

Sidenote: If you aren't reading books... you should. 

Caution though, guard what you are reading.

Grow your brain and heart, don't rot them.

End Sidenote.

So anyways, very quickly, one story was about a Cambodian teenager who saw his entire family killed (I'm talking about 10 siblings, his parents, his sister-in-law and his nephew) during a very cruel time in Cambodian history but ended up surviving with only his one sister. The other book was about this Dutch lady who survived the concentration camps during world war II (She was sent there because she helped a 'Jew' who later betrayed her family and turned out to be working for the Germans) but the rest of her family did not survive.

Now, with that base of tragedy, both these incredible people suffered loss which resulted in bitterness and crazy frustrating anger as they became prisoners in their own country and watched the people they loved die off, at the hands of others. And this is the part that gets me, they both came face to face with their exact prison guards and the men that killed their families... and they both came to forgive. WOW! If I'm making it sound like forgiveness was an easy decision for them I apologize as it most definitely was not.

Corrie Ten Boom (the Dutch lady) became a speaker after the war and one day gave a talk on forgiveness and immediately after came face to face with one of her cruelest prison guards. The guard had transformed his life and was asking for her forgiveness. Can you imagine, being asked to put into practice exactly what you just spoke on despite the fear and anger that this guys face caused her? She says this: "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand (to shake the guards outstretched hand). I can do that much. You supply the feeling." Whoaaaaaa. This lady is incredible to me. She knows she doesn't have the strength, but she never ever doubts that God will be her strength.

Oh man my heart just feels so uplifted by this for two reasons. One, both of these people I would think would be fully justified never forgiving their enemies and simply looking for revenge their entire lives, I mean at first glance that makes sense.But that would have kept them in emotional prison, they sought forgiveness and they found freedom in forgiving! That is incredible. I feel giddy over this. Hearts held captive are set free through God's power!! Two, even though their emotions didn't feel like it, God gave them the strength to forgive, oh thank goodness, we do not have to lean on our own strength when forgiving those that we do not feel like forgiving because of the wrongs they did us.

My heart feels good about this. My heart rejoices. Forgiveness isn't easy, but letting God help you is. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I like this day.

Friends, there's a million more things I could say but basically my main thought is that God's strength will forever be more powerful than our own. Lean on his strength to help you through whatever circumstance that you think may be too hard or impossible to overcome. I have such a big smile on my face. I love God. SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE TODAY!!!

Blind Forgetting

Oh Sherylynn, you funny girl, why do you forget things sometimes?

This is my thought I am having today. I honestly get a little frustrated with myself when I forget stuff but I always have a little chuckle when I remember what it is I forgot because it always seems to entertain me a little bit. Let me give some examples:

1) I forget that I can't see without the help of contacts or glasses and will panic a bit when I walk out of my room in the morning and everything is a blurry mess.
2) I forget that my car uses gas.
C) I forget that 3.25 minutes is not ample time to get ready in the morning before work; it didn't work yesterday... or the day before... or...
4) I forget to factor in travel time to get somewhere and think I should leave my house when the event starts then remember I'm already late.
5) I forget my passwords to almost everything, yes.. even if it's 'password'.
6) I forget how blessed I am.

You may have guessed that my main thought today is based around point 6. You are correct. Gold Star. Today for some reason I have this interesting side/back pain that feels like someone is smacking me with a wet towel every now and then when I think the pain has subsided. I'm not so worried about the pain because I know it will go away, it's just annoying. And I tell you this bit of personal information to remind you of something that I have forgotten. First let's give you some background....

About a month or so ago I read this non-fiction book called, 'A Miracle for (insert girl's name here that I forget)' and it changed the way I think and view life. To give a very brief overview, this 15 year old girl gets into a car accident and afterwards is mentally, physically and emotionally wounded BUT spiritually she is completely fine, in fact she is spiritually stronger than ever before. For example, she is in a coma for a few weeks barely surviving, but with crazy faith and constant prayer over her by friends and family (I'm talking 8 hours straight by one lady!!) she finally comes through and when she does its confirmed that she has heavy brain damage as she forgets how to spell her name, when her birthday is, what some simple words mean like 'mop', she speaks with a heavy slur, she can barely walk and can barely stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time, HOWEVER, she can rattle of chunks of scripture completely from memory and she prays out loud without a slur as happy as could be praising Jesus for all the great things in her life and for His love for her. This girl inspires me. She has lost the ability to do so many things and she forgets that she has lost that ability but she praises God with so much passion, joy and reassurance that He is doing great things in her life!

Instead of bringing a list of complaints to God about her current situation or why the car accident happened to her, she praises him for her injury because she gets to tell so many more people about Him and what he's done in her life. This girl who can barely remember if she went to the bathroom 2 minutes ago so keeps going in 5 minutes intervals, even obtained her graduation certificate! Her mother tried to prepare her daughter that she may not be able to pass the final exam but her daughter, with such incredible faith, just kind of looks at her mom and tells her that "God's got this" and then writes in her journal her praises to God for her life and her excitement to graduate. And she does graduate, as if it wasn't even a question. She has her moments of frustration but you start singing worship songs to her and she goes off into this world of joy and passion for Jesus. She never once complains to God or asks why but showers him with praise and is constantly just wrapped up in His love.

Now, all that above shows why this book changed my life. It flipped the way I thought, flipped the way I prayed, and flipped me into a stronger relationship with Him. And then I forgot about all of these 'flipping' realizations. How does that happen!?
I was reminded again today when my mix of random pain and car sickness got mushed together and I was praying to God that I wouldn't throw up on my mother's lovely vehicle floor. Then it hit me that I had completley forgotten all about my new mindset. A mindest to bring praises and thank you's to the Lord instead of "fix this situation for me.....oh yah..... please." And the great thing is that once you start giving that praise and thank you and dwelling in His love all other concerns seem to melt away and you realize that God's got your small problems, He's got this.

No More Pants: The Power of Accountability

Good Day Friends,

So as mentioned last week, my 30 days of dresses are over. If you don't know what I am talking about see this: No More Pants

Now I have many findings from my extensive research of this, the most shocking one being that I actually gave myself a lesson in accountability. Furthermore, my dress experiment simultaneously turned into a bit of one of those "8 ways to wear an article of clothing" as I jumbled around my sweaters and leggings to keep me from freezing to death in our cold June. Maybe you even noted that this past week when I stopped my little experiment it got really sunny... so either you're welcome because I enticed the sun to come out or I'm sorry because I delayed it with my dresses. Your pick.

Sidenote: Mosquitoe plague. Stay strong everyone.

Ok so, what did I learn that I took many extensive notes on (in my brain) I shall tell you:

1) Right off the bat I realized that it was so much easier to get ready in the morning! The hassle of 'does this match that', and 'where is that shirt' questions were never an issue. I had a stack of dresses and each day I just grabbed one and threw it on because I knew that my options were limited and that I had to wear all of these dresses eventually. I will admit that there was some thought put into it as I didn't want to end up with my 10 least favorite dresses in the end and still be expected to show myself in public. So it worked out great.

2) As days went by... it gets cold when you wear dresses and the sky rains. Some days I actually woke up thinking "Good Morning Sherylynn, this is crazy, it is pouring rain outside, you are going to freeze today, just wear a sweater to work with jeans. ahhh yes, jeans, you love jeans!" But alas, I did not, because of point 3.

3) Accountability. Yes friends, today I admit I didn't actually think I would learn anything from wearing dresses for 30 days... I mean that just seems too deep, I more or less just like to entertain myself sometimes and decided to tell you all about it. But here's the thing, you tell someone about an idea, goal, or dream you are trying to achieve or an addicition, mindset, or struggle you are trying to overcome and they remember. Maybe not all the details but they are watching (not in a creepy way). Here are some great examples:

Example 1: I had people that had read my post come up to me requesting I let them know when the 'unwanted' dress give away would be or to ask me what dress # I was on or to simply ask me how my 30 days experiment was going.

Example 2: I had people encouraging me. It seems so silly for dress wearing, but honestly it was nice to have people text or tell me that I could do it. Especially on pouring rain days.

Example 3: Last week, once the experiment was over, I was wearing capris and met up with my sister. Immediately she said, "Sherylynn!!" with an incredulous look on her face, "you're wearing pants!!" (as if this wasn't right) once I explained the experiment was over she realized it was ok and that I hadn't broken my 30 day challenge.

Now I tell you these examples because none of that would have happened if I hadn't made public what I was hoping to achieve. If nobody knew I was challenging myself to wear dresses for 30 days nobody would have been concerned or the wiser if I wore pants or not. I would have known if I stopped after 3 days. Maybe I could have tried again but quit after 6 days... or quit after 12 days... 1 day... 8 days... 24 days.. and the whole time nobody would have known that this was a struggle for me or a goal I wanted to accomplish. Relate this to smoking, lying, purity, working out, etc. I'm not saying tell the world, but if you tell at least one trusted friend about a struggle or goal in your life, a friend that will call you out, encourage you and keep you on track, you are accountable to someone and much more motivated or disciplined to follow through.

So friends, thank you for your words of encouragement and interest during this challenge. I also want to encourage you this week to let people you trust into your lives. Allow yourselves to be vulnerable to them, to let them hold you when you are down, encourage you to get up and keep you accountable to the person you want to become.

And with that I give you some of my favorite photos of the 30 Days of Summer Challenge:

   

Storytime: Egg Decisions

Self Declared story time Monday again!! Ok let’s story time it.

Storytime:

One day Sally Smiles was walking down the street, smiling of course, feeling blessed about the way her life was going. She just felt like she  was in a really great place, life was rocking. So there Sally Smiles was, walking down the street, coming back from the neighbours farm where she had just picked up a carton of eggs, like so…

“La la la la,” she was singing and carrying the eggs, smiling away, life was good for Sally Smiles. And then out of nowhere, Sally tripped a little bit, dropping the entire egg carton but luckily only one of the eggs dropped out of the carton. Horror struck Sally Smiles heart when she looked down and saw the broken egg lying on the road…

The egg was ruined. Sally Smiles stopped smiling. Sally Smiles stared crying actually. She looked down at the egg carton and the remaining eggs...

Instead of seeing all the good eggs she still had left that had not been ruined, all she saw was a huge blaring hole. Sally Smiles immediately allowed herself to wallow in self pity as she walked a bit further down the road, continually thinking about how bad she had messed up by letting one egg fall. Then she stopped walking. Then Sally Smiles went a little psycho and threw a crazy dramatic hissy fit and smashed the rest of the eggs on the road as well..

Sally Smiles thought, for some crazy reason, that since she tripped and ruined one of the eggs from the carton, that the rest of the eleven remaining eggs must also be ruined. Instead of getting back to her house grateful to have 11 good eggs, she got back to her house with 0 eggs.

Storytime Statement:

If you trip and stumble a bit in life, making one bad decision, you then get to decide if you will let the rest of your decisions reflect that one bad decision as well or if you will step up and work harder to ensure that you don’t trip again.

**Sidenote** 30 Days of Summer Dresses officially ends today. Check back next week for that adventure!

Victory Engagement Story

I am a Victory story.

Friends, I’m going to be very vulnerable with you today. As previously mentioned, a year ago I was a man-hating, relationship-detesting, commitment-terrified, broken woman. This is so very true I cannot even express it further, I hid it from a lot of people but there are still many witnesses to my brokeneness, perhaps you are even one of them. I was so convinced that I should never trust a male and that marriage was all a scam that I knew I would be single forever because that made a lot more sense than to ever let myself be vulnerable and get hurt again. I was not upset about being single, I loved being single actually. Being single meant freedom from guilt, pressure and manipulation. It didn’t mean I was free from feeling used, worthless or betrayed but being single meant I could keep my heart hard and not have to let anyone in. It was working fabulously.

Then came this terrifying day when I realized someone had been working at my heart, chipping away at the hurt and pain I had cemented into the concrete surrounding it. I was longing to be released from my prison of pain but just didn’t know how to do it. Then came along a man capable of incredible healing. His name, was Jesus. Catch you off guard? Friends, I tell you no lie, if God had not come and started breaking away the hardness surrounding my heart then there would have been no chance for a human being to ever get near my last defense, a gate called ‘Yes’. God did some crazy healing in my tattered and crushed spirit and heart that allowed me to come alive again. Life made sense again. I had love and joy. Then this crazy thing happened… I noticed a man. Now I had a lot of male friends, but they were simply people I talked to, never wanting to get too close to any of them as my mind had made up that they were untrustworthy (no offense male friends). But I noticed that this certain man was definitely not trying to manipulate me, he wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, he wasn’t trying to use me. A Godly man. And I also looked back and realized that this same man had been constantly encouraging me for the last few months, slowly working his way into my heart, my supposedly well guarded, impenetrable heart. That man prayed for me when I wasn’t around, he sent me verses God led him to, sent me uplifting quotes, encouraged me every day, all while I sat in my own world, oblivious to the fact that there were men of Godly character out there. He also knew he needed patience as I didn’t let anyone near me very easily. A lot of patience. Again I say, a lot. He kept his distance and would send girls to hug me when he knew I needed a hug because I was not keen on males being near me, he never secluded me in a group and made me feel cornered, he was honest, hilarious, encouraging, trustworthy, talented, weird, he was Andrew Smith.

Have you ever been bungee jumping or skydiving? It’s terrifying and you are hesitant at first, but once you make that first move to jump from a ledge or a plane… you are committed. You can’t stop mid bungee jump or skydive, that’s why you have to make sure the experience will be trustworthy beforehand. When standing or flying high in the sky looking down sheer terror and excitement overtake you and then you jump… and you are freed, wondering why you hesitated. This was the equivalent of jumping into a relationship for me: sheer terror. When Andrew asked me to go on a date with him, I had done my research on him though, I knew he was trustworthy and would never drop me, let me fall, or use me for his own benefit in any way; the only thing holding me back… was me. I had to make the conscience decision to be vulnerable again, to allow myself to be committed to another person, to know and allow my true self to show, to choose to step past my sheer terror of rejection, abandonment and pain to say yes. And I did.

Commitment ain’t easy, friends. Cross stitch that into a pillow. I fought to stay in a relationship, to stay committed, to look at issues and pain from my past square in the face and fight through it. It was hard, it made me cry, it made me tired, it overwhelmed me, it made me afraid of being hurt again, it made me worry, it made me feel weak, it made me nervous… it made me fight harder because I knew it would pay off. I knew that it was easier to just give up and avoid my issues for a bit longer but I didn’t cave in. And then, (and this is where you smile and tear up at how mushy I am being, I too am surprised by it) then came love. Ohhh man, I almost rolled my eyes at myself, but it’s true. I fought to make sure I would never fall in love with anyone for so long and then somewhere, somehow, and with a ton of God given healing and restoration, I fought to fall in love. And I did.

And all that to tell you this main story… So, here it is… June 23^rd was Andrew’s birthday and he decided to plan us a special dinner. I left my house in the middle of a torrential downpour to go pick him up (birthday boys don’t have to drive), and I’m talking sideways rain you can barely see through and intense wind. So I pick him up and we head to his secret location… only for him to start panicking once we get there. I look up in the same direction and realize that there is a bright blue canopy tent hanging off the side of the building, with two of our friends trying to yank it back on… in the pouring rain. Automatically it clicks in my head that he wanted to eat dinner on the roof… and why not, that makes sense. So to fast forward, all I saw of the fancy roof top dinner were chairs and the table strewn around the roof and the canopy still hanging off the side of the building. We had to move all the stuff inside out of the rain and then my friends left and Andrew and I were left just sitting in the lobby on some couches by the fireplace… I was assuming waiting for food to come… Andrew was quite bummed out that nothing had worked as he’d planned and claiming that it was supposed to stop raining by 10 that morning… I kept telling him it was fine, we could just eat dinner in the lobby and didn’t need fancy dinner plans all the time… so then fast forward past some fabulous things he starts saying to me and there he is on a knee on the floor holding a ring up at me…

So, friends, I announce to you, that I Sherylynn Niezen, allowed Andrew Smith to smash through that last gate and when he asked me to marry him, I said YES!! Woooooweeeee, I fought a hard fight with an enemy that doesn’t play fair and I won. I no longer sit in a pool of bitterness and resentment but float around on cloud nine proud of myself and overwhelmed with how blessed I am.

God made me a Victory story and no one will take that from me.

“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3