Will I ever learn.

Once again, I admit that I am such a bad student. I've always known this (and let's not kid ourselves, it's been quite apparent to others as well...) but it's really started to become extra apparent and bother me these last few days. I do feel bad about it, especially because I'm so whiny about going to class. How do people handle me?!? Round of apologies. I forget to see the blessing of knowledge so many times. Boredom should never overshadow blessings.

I'm actually in class right now, hidden in the corner, and the only one typing because everyone else is listening to the teacher and I'm assuming if you are doing what she says then there is no need for typing. It get's awkward sometimes... I just sort of stop typing when it gets really quiet. So why am I such a bad student?? I keep asking myself this question because if I can figure it out I can really start to work on it. I think it's because I just do not want to be in a classroom anymore. Or maybe I just would rather teach then listen. I think that's probably it. I think I've always been this way. I get really excited to take a class but then get bored easily in it. I want to give input and ask questions at my own pace and if that option isn't there...might as well dismiss me from class. I mean, I invented "The Packup Move" about 2 years ago: If I felt a teacher was done teaching for the day or I was done learning for the day (because my teacher was just repeating the same info over and over...) I would pile up all my books on my desk and then sit there to let the teacher know I was done. Sometimes this would happen 45 minutes into a 2.5 hour class. Man, I'm a jerk sometimes. Apologies. If I were to give an excuse, I want to blame this on my dominating personality...but at the end of the day I know that I must work on this issue to become more patient and resign myself to different forms of teaching.
 If I'm going to learn I think I need it to be more in a conversation type of way as opposed to my teacher reading out a textbook for 6 hours without ever giving me a chance to talk. I like talking too..

On another note, for my class I use a usb stick that has the program I need to accomplish anything. The best part is that my usb stick stopped working like 2.5 weeks ago. Sometimes it just wont work and sometimes I believe prayer allows that usb stick to work. Perhaps this is all more a test of my faith... and building patience... I kind of refuse to buy a new one because I like the challenge of fiddling and praying over it every class. It gives me something to look forward to. Will the usb stick work or not?! Oh the excitement (not sarcasm, I really do like the thrill... it's the same as driving with my gas light on...and christmas shopping at the last second...what's gonna happen..?!?)

Sooo... in conclusion, I am a hard student to please but I want to work on this. I have been thinking all class and I think this is where I'm at in regards to being taught anything:
1) I want to be challenged, but not overwhelmed
2) I want to move through topics quickly, I will ask questions if/when I get confused
3) I want to be involved in an interesting conversation (especially in History), not told a pile of information
4) I want to get more from a class then what the textbook says, I could just read that on my own.
4) Overwhelm, teach at a slow pace or bore me with info and I will start making up my own thing to do.

I'm demanding. This I know. If anyone has tips on how I can become a better student capable of listening to a teacher for 6 hours please give me guidance.

Also, in case you all missed it... it snowed last night. Before you know it, it will be the Christmas Parade. :)

Three Weeks

"Speak my mind so that I may be free. But take the 'me' out of 'my' and make it Your own. Your will, Your guidance, Your words. Speak the words I do not want to say. The awkward, difficult, faith pushing words that save. The words that are delivered to me: the hands, feet and voice of the Lord that will bring His lost people home. The words that are uncomfortable, but so is hell. Bring the lost to Heaven and let them see for themselves that those words were never awkward or odd but words delivered to save them and guide them to their rightful home. Life is but a vapour, don't waste your few words."

What words will you say today?
Are you talking words or are you talking distractions?

Words trip overoneanother.

I went to write an incredible first sentence that gave a glimpse of how I feel right now and I had nothing besides "wow" which has lost a of its meaning in its overused state of today (much like the word epic... just saying)... and so I wrote this sentence. But now I say... wow...more correctly WWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Because I have no better one word description. Did today just happen?!? This week just happen?!? I don't even know how to explain or express what is happening with my life, plus it is late. It is late because I have spent my night at Regen Conference at my church and then had 15 girls stay at my house. So awesome, I love it!! So once I got them all fed and in bed and finished some work stuff I now reflect on everything that happened and has happened lately. And I am overwhelmed on how God is using me for his glory. My heart is crying and breaking for the broken women of this world lately, I know how that pain can be and I don't want them to stay there. I literally cry, I plea for these women, they need to know their worth, that they are loved. And God is sending me these women. I have so much to process that I can't even explain further but I just had a night that freed me from more chains that somehow worked their way onto me. Oh I am light and I am heavy, but not burdened. The most incredible of freedom feelings and contentment and joy and I am totally rambling but again I do not have a big enough vocabulary to express myself right now. I scream JOY. (but in a quiet mute way as all 17 other people in this house right now are sleeping...)

Friends: come to Regen Conference. Simple as that.