Oct. 22, 2011
This post is quite different then most of my other posts. It gets a bit serious, which happens sometimes so let’s just roll with it. For many that do not know, I was in a very bad relationship off and on for a very long time, years actually, without anyone really knowing because I was too stuck, scared and (dare I say) stupid to say anything. I feel like there really was no ‘off’ time though as I continually was emotionally or mentally controlled by this guy, which to explain any further details on how this came about would take a very long time to post so I will just leave it at that to give you some background. So point of this is that today I went to this day long event at my church and my life gets rocked. There are many stories to share but I will give you only one for now. So, it gets put on my heart that I need to go and delete all text messages or messages that I’ve been holding on to (don’t ask why..) that are related to my past and anything that I might read and get angry and upset about over and over(and over and over and over…) again. And I’m hesitant to do it but I start with my phone. I delete off the few text messages that I’ve been carrying around on my phone on a daily basis. I’ve been carrying these text messages more so for the fact to make a case one day in case I need to prove how horrible this guy was, or save the date for remembering when everything happened (which, really… why would anyone want to do that? There’s no need to anniversary anything, it is in the past and not in the future, and there’s no need to be on guard for when I need to make a show of this guy and reveal and prove the damaging things he had said, absolutely not necessary). After those are deleted I think, well that wasn’t so bad, and then God goes ok… now move onto your emails. And I think ohhhh man, I have a ton that’s going to take forever and more so I think, this is going to hurt my heart and I don’t want to. So I open my first email account, there are apparently only 5 messages in there, I skimmed two of them and felt a bit of past resentment rise up before saying don’t do this to yourself Sherylynn and deleted them all off. Then, the second email which I knew was going to take the longest and cause the most pain going through and seeing how far back my past got messed up. I open up the email account… and there is nothing. Everything has been reset, there are no emails, it’s a completely empty email account: a fresh start. And it’s like God is saying "why are you looking here? I’ve already cleaned and made you pure, don’t you know? Thanks for your obedience for the first two; I did the big painful stuff already. That was easier than expected huh?"
Ahh God’s grace. Like a bear hug.
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