Christmas Songs: You live you learn.

In honour of the many many christmas songs I listen to on a daily basis (some voluntarily, some with a lot of whining and scowling at the office radio) I now give you a list of some of the things I have learned from these songs:

1) Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer - If you're unpopular, simply paint your nose red. Then, be patient, your time will come. You won't necessarily be invited to play reindeer games, but Santa will make you famous, and then since you have some street cred from the big man, all of the other reindeer will then pay attention to you and accept you into their group.. Rudolf kind of reminds me of Joseph.

2) Baby it's Cold Outside - Women should always go out prepared. If it's winter, it's probably cold outside, bring a thick sweater, jacket, gloves and some good boots! Don't listen to the peer pressure of a male. With your winter gear the outside coldness will not be a problem and the male will have no further excuse for you to stay. Women, again, be prepared this Christmas season. Nobody ever says "Gee... it's a snowstorm, I wish I left my gloves at home."

3) Mistletoe - For those of you unfamiliar with this song, Justin Bieber sings it. This is what the song teaches me: Instead of going out and having fun playing in the winter snow, it's better to just stand under a piece of greenery hoping someone will kiss you. One, that's ridiculous. Two, Justin, whatever happened to the kissing chasing game? Run away from the girl you like, don't stand in one spot not having any fun hoping she notices you!! That's crazy. Justin's crazy.

4) I'll be home for Christmas - Whoever sings this song sits on a throne of lies. And probably smells like beef and cheese (for all you Elf fans out there). Don't promise you are going to be home for Christmas and get your friends, family and other loved ones all excited and then say, Oh... I mean in my dreams... in my dreams I'll be home for Christmas. What does that even mean!!! Clearly nobody has the ability to step into each others dreams (no matter what that Inception movie went off about for 4 hours), so obviously the only thing being taught by this song is that the singer will NOT be home for Christmas. A cruel joke is what this song is.

5) I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - How come nobody is concerned that mommy is kissing another man? I'm concerned.

6) Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer -  Should we not all be running away from these ferocious reindeer as fast as we can?? If they run over poor old grandma, what's to say they won't stop at you? Seriously, how come everyone assumes reindeer are nice and cuddly. Let's look at the facts, they're kind of jerks... they ignore a fellow reindeer because he's got a sweet birth defect, and then they RUN OVER GRANDMAS!! More people should be aware of what kind of deer Reindeer really are.

I hope I've given you all a few things to think about.